Varnish
I'm not who I once was and I am struggling to know if that is better. If I am better. My wife tells me I am a better husband now. That I treat my kids better than ever. My friends tell me I have changed and become gentler in my approach with my wife, kids, and those around me. To think this would be easier for me to believe, considering those closest to me see it. It is hard to notice. The change others see. I choose to believe them because the current vision I have of myself is tainted in the fog and doubt that seems to come with learning to love oneself. The journey I have been on towards a "self-actualization" of sorts has been great, horrifying, gratifying, and hard. Hard. I am trying. Harder than I ever have. I feel like I am up to my neck in quicksand(you know, the kind you imagined as a child). You are supposed to stay calm in quick sand, but calm is the opposite of where my mind wants to go. I want to scream, sob, yell, kick. I want to be free of my old, sel...