Liberating Strife
I was born in Stillwater, Oklahoma and lived in and around there for a few years before my parents took a chance on a job opportunity and moved our family to Austintown, Ohio. That same job took us to Fernley, Nevada a year later and Twin Falls, Idaho four years after that. I have lived in Idaho since New Years Day of 1999 with my only break being a two year church service mission in Denver, Colorado.
I have been blessed to live in a variety of places, meet a lot of different people, and experience different styles of life. I credit my parents for giving me these opportunities. Without their faith to get up and move across the country multiple times I wouldn't have been given these chances to learn and grow. Fireflies in Ohio, New England in the fall, actual mountains(sorry Appalachians, you're just hills), tornadoes in Oklahoma, scorpions in Nevada, potato guns in Idaho, and college in Pocatello. All of these opportunities for growth have rubbed off on me in one way or another and have made me into the person I am today. While the first 23 years of my life molded me and made me better, the last 5 years have been the most life changing.
When I met Caitlin I was a tad bit of a mess. I was fighting internal battles with myself over things I knew were off kilter. I'm not proud but I brought some of these things into my marriage. I hurt Caitlin. I was so worried that this wonderful woman would be scared of what I was hiding. God knew. I knew. Caitlin didn't. If I couldn't handle it, how could she? Finally one evening I had had enough. Caitlin had been through enough. It occurred to me, we all bring baggage into our relationships, we just need to find the person willing to unpack that baggage by our side, no matter how dirty that pair of socks may be.
November of 2012 will always be the best and hardest month of my life. I unloaded. I told Caitlin everything. I came clean. I don't know how, but it was simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I didn't realize the scope and love of my Savior, Jesus Christ, until I felt it emanating from Caitlin. I needed that love more than ever.
Change is not easy. Shocking, I know. Change does become easier when surrounded and buoyed up by the right people. From the incredible patience Caitlin continually shows me, to the support my closest friends give me, I have been able to change for the better and discover those that truly care. (Truly caring for a doofus like me takes some serious commitment and some good drugs.) Living a certain way for over two decades isn't something that can be changed in a few months or even a few years, but I am finally on the right path. Change is an everyday commitment. It took me a long time to realize that if I truly want to be the man my wife needs and the father my kids deserve, I must take care of myself. This isn't selfish, in fact, it is the most selfless thing I can do for them.
I have been blessed to live in a variety of places, meet a lot of different people, and experience different styles of life. I credit my parents for giving me these opportunities. Without their faith to get up and move across the country multiple times I wouldn't have been given these chances to learn and grow. Fireflies in Ohio, New England in the fall, actual mountains(sorry Appalachians, you're just hills), tornadoes in Oklahoma, scorpions in Nevada, potato guns in Idaho, and college in Pocatello. All of these opportunities for growth have rubbed off on me in one way or another and have made me into the person I am today. While the first 23 years of my life molded me and made me better, the last 5 years have been the most life changing.
When I met Caitlin I was a tad bit of a mess. I was fighting internal battles with myself over things I knew were off kilter. I'm not proud but I brought some of these things into my marriage. I hurt Caitlin. I was so worried that this wonderful woman would be scared of what I was hiding. God knew. I knew. Caitlin didn't. If I couldn't handle it, how could she? Finally one evening I had had enough. Caitlin had been through enough. It occurred to me, we all bring baggage into our relationships, we just need to find the person willing to unpack that baggage by our side, no matter how dirty that pair of socks may be.
November of 2012 will always be the best and hardest month of my life. I unloaded. I told Caitlin everything. I came clean. I don't know how, but it was simultaneously the hardest and most rewarding thing I have ever done. I didn't realize the scope and love of my Savior, Jesus Christ, until I felt it emanating from Caitlin. I needed that love more than ever.
Change is not easy. Shocking, I know. Change does become easier when surrounded and buoyed up by the right people. From the incredible patience Caitlin continually shows me, to the support my closest friends give me, I have been able to change for the better and discover those that truly care. (Truly caring for a doofus like me takes some serious commitment and some good drugs.) Living a certain way for over two decades isn't something that can be changed in a few months or even a few years, but I am finally on the right path. Change is an everyday commitment. It took me a long time to realize that if I truly want to be the man my wife needs and the father my kids deserve, I must take care of myself. This isn't selfish, in fact, it is the most selfless thing I can do for them.
Comments
Post a Comment